Weekends are awesome

God I love weekends. I have my kids every other weekend, and this was a weekend I had to myself and I used it to my full advantage to catch up on all of the important things that I need to attend to - sleep, sleep, and more sleep. Seriously, I think there's something wrong with me, like I have some sort of disorder. Well, other than depression. Like, a real illness or something.

I think it's linked to the time of year, especially since January always heralds the period between January and the end of March that I affectionately call, "The Winter of My Discontent". Funnily, this period is the same every year so I suppose I should call it "My Annual Winter Period of Discontent", but that just sounds silly. Plus I hate the word "period" and try to avoid it at all costs.

I just think I hate winter. I mean, I love the concept - the fallen snow, sitting by the fireplace with a blazing fire, hot chocolate, static cling...it's just that in reality, it's a big pain in the ass. It's cold and boring, the days are too short, and I hate wool. Don't get me started about turtlenecks and how claustrophobic the very concept makes me - my throat is constricting just thinking about it.

By the way, does anyone else think it's terribly unoriginal that we call the fireplace that name? Fireplace. The place where we put the fire. Clearly someone with no creativity came up with the name and it just stuck. We should be grateful the same person didn't name the toilet, otherwise it might be called the Assplace. As in, "Honey, don't forget to jiggle the handle on the assplace otherwise it might overflow."

Anyway, thank Christ this winter has been a mild one for us in New England. No snow yet, which is great for me since I can't ski for shit and don't have a snow blower. So what if might be linked to the melting of the polar ice caps and global warming- it suits me just fine and there have to be tons of ice caps, so is it a crime if a few melt?

This weekend was pretty uneventful, and those are the best weekends in my book. I love boring weekends- heck, I live such a fun-filled, jet-setting lifestyle during the week, so I deserve some down time over the weekends. And by jet-setting lifestyle, I mean I leave my house to go to work and to the gym each night and they happen to be in two different towns, and by fun-filled, I mean I laugh at my own jokes.

I take that back; I did pull myself out of bed long enough to go to the movies Saturday night. I saw Dreamgirls. I know, you don't have to say it. How GAY am I? But it got such great reviews and Oprah told me to see it, so I went and I liked it. That Beyonce has a nice rack and a bootyful booty, fo' shizzle. And Jennifer Hudson has some nice pipes and should have been nominated for best actress, cuz she carried that movie.

So now I'm just sitting here drafting a response to the company that I was talking about a few posts back - they made me an offer so now it's my turn to be a prick and ask for a bunch of things before I say yes. You know, the usual requests...a little more money, a little sign-on bonus, a pony, a crown, and a crown for my pony. Oh, and a little lunch-time lipo so that I look my best on my first day of work. Presentation counts and I intend on rocking a six pack when I waltz into Orientation. We'll see what they say but I'm really hopeful, and can live without some of my silly demands. But the pony would be a total deal breaker.